Seeing an ex boyfriend or “guy I was talking to a while ago” and realizing they were buffer and hotter back when you were fucking them, but getting shit from your friends for the way they look now.
FML.
what things would be like if my mother and her boyfriend didn’t destroy my teenage years.
I would have gotten a lot time with my sisters. I would have actually went OUT instead of working 80+ hour weeks. I wouldn’t be so worried about the dumbest things. I wouldn’t have a moment of panic whenever I look at the clock and it’s “past my midnight curfew.” I would probably have continued hooking up with Sean and who knows, maybe STILL be hooking up with him? Maybe I would have even became his girlfriend. Doubt it, but I’ll never know. I wouldn’t have had so much stress and anxiety. Maybe I wouldn’t have my anxiety issues and panic attacks. Maybe I wouldn’t be so awkward because I would have actually went OUT and talked to more people. Maybe I’d still be dancing. Maybe even singing. Maybe still working my instruments. Maybe I would have never cut. I stopped, but now I’m stuck with scars which serve as a constant reminder. Maybe I would actually have more than a few moments that I’m gonna remember forever.
I’m mad at them. But I’m mostly hurt and sad. I missed out on some of the greatest times. I missed out on relationships, friendships, and most importantly, memories….. I mean. I’m not saying I wish I was still with some guys or even got with some guys that I never got to because of them, but everything comes with memories. Even Sean. Granted, it’s not my favorite scenario life has thrown at me and I would never actually LAST as his girlfriend, but we had some laughs and some of the things I learned or did with him, will stick with me for life.
Or even going out with sisters. Like GOD forbid I stay out late because I’m at a sisters house watching movies and stuffing my face with junk food. I missed out on a lot of little moments that I will NEVER have a chance to get back. It’s in the past, and there’s nothing I can do about that.
I could go on for DAYS. But point is: I missed SO much. And I will resent them for that until the day forever ends.
So, I’m a 19 year old.
I graduated from college with a bachelors degree. AND, as of two hours ago, I’m a licensed cosmetologist. AND I’m starting law school soon.
Yeah, most people my age still don’t know their majors. Boom.
So to my biological mother and her boyfriend: THANK YOU for throwing me the fuck out. I wouldn’t be this happy if you guys didn’t. And THANK YOU for doubting me. I love proving you wrong. And THANK YOU for making me feel worthless every single day. It made me appreciate the ones who love me that much more. And it helped me realize, I AM a good person. Yeah, I might have tattoos and piercings, joined a sorority, wear shorts and dye my hair, but if I can get a Cosmo license AND a bachelors degree while still being a teenager, I don’t think tattoos that are concealable, piercings that no one ever knows I have, letters, Hollister shorts, and colored hair are making me a “wild reckless person who is going to be nothing more than a whore who sucks dick for a living because I can’t make my own money” whatchu gotta say about THAT, suckaaaa ass fool?!
i haven’t eaten in 36+ hours and i feel fine. Minus the fact that I’m now dry heaving. It fucking hurts like hell when your body is trying to get rid of something that’s not there.
I will never forgive the people I went to middle school with. No matter what, I feel fat. I have a decent body with a flat stomach but I feel like its not flat enough. People always tell me that I’m skinny and my body is fine, but it’s HARD trying to change the way I feel. Especially when “you’re fucking huge” is all I heard for 3 years. Every single day. To my face and behind my back.
I’m trying to change the way I see myself but it’s hard. When I look in the mirror all I see is the pudgy twelve year old version of myself. And it breaks my fucking heart every single time. I was doing better for a while, but then something snapped and now I’m back at it.
adderal & redbull;
this call is a mistake,
theres somethin strong in this water bottle;
i hear you got a new chick,
a dancing little Barbie doll
i feel so pathetic,
but you still haven’t heard it all;
fuck that new girl that you like so bad,
she’s not crazy like me,
i bet you like that;
i said fuck that new girl that’s been in your bed,
& when youre in her i know im in your head.
I’ve always believed in that, but it never hit home as hard as it has within the past few months
I remember crying over the breakup with Conner. I was crushed. But if that had never happened. I doubt I would be an Alpha Xi Delta. Or maybe I would be, but I wouldn’t have put as much into my sisterhood. And we all know, you get out what you put in. If I was still with Conner, I know I wouldn’t have put my everything into my chapter, and that means I would have screwed myself out of SO much. My letters, my ritual, my sorority’s secrets, and of course my sisters mean more to my than any boy ever could and ever will. Don’t get me wrong, I love Chris and whatnot and I’d do anything I could to help him with whatever he needs, but my sisters will always come first in my heart. And I know that’s how he feels about his brothers. And I’m totally okay with that. We are a part of each others lives, but we aren’t each others LIVES. I did that once before, and I swear on everything I will NEVER do that again.
I remember crying when Joey wasn’t going to take me as a little. I feel SO stupid. Vince is MY big. We are PERFECT for each other, and I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him. He is like blood to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love Keith with all of my heart, but I didn’t ever get the ENTIRE big bro & little sis experience with him because we are in two different parts of our lives and he is SO much more grown up than I am. Vince is the epitome of a what a big brother should be. He’s there for me all the fucking time, no matter HOW trivial my complaints are. He gives me advice, not lectures me, but gives me advice on my decisions. He pushes me to do my best in everything that I do. He helps me out with everything from little favors to HUGE ones. He tells EVERYONE I’m his little, and I LOVE that. I LOVE when he calls me “little” and I LOVE hearing him go “everyone, this is MY little :D” and we hang out like big brother and little sister too. Like we have fun just sitting in the library kickin it not doing a damn thing. I HATE myself because Vince was my second choice. I didn’t realize that he was MEANT for me as a big until I got him. But in the end, it all worked out. I have the best big I could have ever EVER hoped for & I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
& lastly. I remember being BROKEN about getting kicked out. But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have a REAL family. I now know what it’s like to have a mother and father who love ad support me and my siblings. I wouldn’t know what a REAL family dinner is. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have fun doing nothing with your family.
Things didn’t go the way I planned and I’m nowhere NEAR where I thought I’d be in life. But I’m exactly where I need to be.
(Source: lovequotesrus)